In order to join our fan club, the process is quite simple. All you have to do is complete fifteen of the seventeen steps.
The first step is to send an e-mail to "officialdarthvaderfanclub@gmail.com"
The next step is equally simple, once you receive your response e-mail you need to write a letter to corporate that reads in a very specific format and vocabulary. Words such as "Dark Side," "Our Glorious Leader," etc. Words to avoid are "Luke Skywalker," "Yoda," "The Force," "Resistance," "Jedi," etc. To get the address for the building, you need to go on a self fulfilling journey to find inner peace.
There are many locations on the journey to inner peace. The first is that you need to swim across the Atlantic ocean in order to get to Berlin. This is so that you can obtain the scroll. The next step will tell you how to read the scroll, but for now you need to know how to find the scroll. The scroll is located under the Brandenburg Gate. In order to get the scroll you need to use the force to lift the pillars out of the ground and it will reveal itself.
To find out what the scroll reads, you must make a 3058 mile (4922 km) hike to Siberia. There you will find an ancient guru who can read you the scroll. He only knows how to speak russian though so you will have to learn russian
Now that you can fluently speak russian, have swam across the atlantic, have found the scroll, and made it to Siberia, the scroll will tell you all you need to know about the last thirteen steps. I wish you well on the last steps to joining The Dark Side, good luck.